Video Saturday

Damn vuvzelas. (This is funny, you should watch it.)



And now, for a palate cleanser:

Not the Onion Wednesday:

Seriously. Up first in NtOW, we have a radiograph pinup calendar.

From this site. 

You just can't get much more revealing than that.


Next, we have colored bacon.

Because regular bacon just isn't perfect enough, I suppose. Heh.

Finally, and I am NOT making this up, a German student attacked a Hell's Angles gang after flipping them off by throwing a puppy at them, and then made his escape by stealing a bulldozer.

I kid you not.

Source. 

Make it Sir:

She'll knight anyone on TV, you know... I've got a better chance of being knighted than winning the lottery.

Anyway, good for you, Captain. :)

And an aside:

From this site.

You Know You've Thought This...

... Sitting in front of your TV, watching your favorite show, and then BLAM. The news breaks in:

Towel Day!

Don't forget your towel, and DON'T PANIC.

Today is towel day, and here is a link for you to find stuff in your area to do with your towel.

When you're done with that, do go by the library and pick up a copy of Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency. I would say I like it even more that Hitchhiker's Guide.

So Damn Ugly It's Cute:

I worked all weekend in one of the busier parts of the ER, so I can't muster a 'serious' post right now. Maybe tomorrow. 

Meet the sloths from Amphibian Avenger on Vimeo.

When I grow up, I want to be a sloth. 

Why?

Because screw YouTube, that's why.

If you like to cook and have some time to kill, you might try this:

Home-made Pop Tarts. From this source: 


Homemade Pop Tarts
Adapted from King Arthur Flour
Pastry
2 cups (8 1/2 ounces) all-purpose flour
1 tablespoon sugar
1 teaspoon salt
1 cup (2 sticks or 8 ounces) unsalted butter, cut into pats
1 large egg
2 tablespoons (1 ounce) milk
1 additional large egg (to brush on pastry)
Cinnamon Filling (enough for 9 tarts)
1/2 cup (3 3/4 ounces) brown sugar
1 to 1 1/2 teaspoons ground cinnamon, to taste
4 teaspoons all-purpose flour
1 large egg, to brush on pastry before filling
Jam Filling
3/4 cup (8 ounces) jam
1 tablespoon cornstarch mixed with 1 tablespoon cold water
Alternate fillings: 9 tablespoons chocolate chips, 9 tablespoons Nutella or other chocolate-hazelnut paste or 9 tablespoons of a delight of your choice, such as salted caramel or a nut paste
To make cinnamon filling: Whisk together the sugar, cinnamon, and flour.
To make jam filling: Mix the jam with the cornstarch/water in a small saucepan. Bring the mixture to a boil, and simmer, stirring, for 2 minutes. Remove from the heat, and set aside to cool. Use to fill the pastry tarts.
Make the dough: Whisk together the flour, sugar, and salt. Work in the butter with your fingers, pastry blender or food processor until pea-sized lumps of butter are still visible, and the mixture holds together when you squeeze it. If you’ve used a food processor, transfer the mixture to a large bowl. Whisk the first egg and milk together and stir them into the dough, mixing just until everything is cohesive, kneading briefly on a well-floured counter if necessary.
Divide the dough in half (approximately 8 1/4 ounces each), shape each half into a smooth rectangle, about 3×5 inches. You can roll this out immediately (see Warm Kitchen note below) or wrap each half in plastic and refrigerate for up to 2 days.
Assemble the tarts: If the dough has been chilled, remove it from the refrigerator and allow it to soften and become workable, about 15 to 30 minutes. Place one piece on a lightly floured work surface, and roll it into a rectangle about 1/8″ thick, large enough that you can trim it to an even 9″ x 12″. [You can use a 9" x 13" pan, laid on top, as guidance.] Repeat with the second piece of dough. Set trimmings aside. Cut each piece of dough into thirds – you’ll form nine 3″ x 4″ rectangles.
Beat the additional egg and brush it over the entire surface of the first dough. This will be the “inside” of the tart; the egg is to help glue the lid on. Place a heaping tablespoon of filling into the center of each rectangle, keeping a bare 1/2-inch perimeter around it. Place a second rectangle of dough atop the first, using your fingertips to press firmly around the pocket of filling, sealing the dough well on all sides. Press the tines of a fork all around the edge of the rectangle. Repeat with remaining tarts.
Gently place the tarts on a lightly greased or parchment-lined baking sheet. Prick the top of each tart multiple times with a fork; you want to make sure steam can escape, or the tarts will become billowy pillows rather than flat toaster pastries. Refrigerate the tarts (they don’t need to be covered) for 30 minutes, while you preheat your oven to 350°F.
Charming tip from King Arthur: Sprinkle the dough trimmings with cinnamon-sugar; these have nothing to do with your toaster pastries, but it’s a shame to discard them, and they make a wonderful snack. While the tarts are chilling, bake these trimmings for 13 to 15 minutes, till they’re golden brown.
Bake the tarts: Remove the tarts form the fridge, and bake them for 20 to 25 minutes, until they’re a light golden brown. Cool in pan on rack.
Whole Wheat Variation: I was itching to swap out 1/2 cup of the flour with whole wheat flour. I am sure it would make it more deliciously breakfast.
Pop Tart Minis: The biggest struggle I had with these was the size. I actually like my baked goods on the tiny size, thus I think this could make an adorable batch of 16 2 1/4″ x 3″ rectangles.
Savory Pop Tarts: Nix the sugar in the dough and halve the salt. Fill with pesto, cheese, ground nuts or olives, or any combination thereof. Brush the tops with additional egg wash and sprinkle with poppy or sesame seeds. Please invite me over.
Do ahead: The sweet versions should keep at room temperature in an airtight container for a week. If you’d like to make them further in advance, I vote for freezing them unbaked between layers of waxed paper, and baking them as you need.
Warm kitchen warning: Guys, I live in an inferno, the kind of steam-heated, 85 degrees inside (68 gorgeous degrees outside) existence many other New Yorkers are familiar with. Between the heat and yesterday’s rainy humidity, me and this dough were struggling. To keep it from being too warm and soft, I was stuffing the trays of dough in the freezer for 10 minute shifts almost every time I worked with them. If you find yourself in an overly warm kitchen working with dough that gets soft too quickly, just keep using your freezer. The 10 minutes here and there that you extend this project will save you many gray hairs as the dough becomes easy to work with again.



Of course, I'm not suggesting you totally give up the processed quick-and-easy-and-gritty version. There's a place for that, but Geez's latest post at Mac N' Geeeeze inspired me to post an unprocessed recipe.

I just might have to try this Friday night. Yeah, that's a wild weekend night for me. ;)

Magritte Explained:

Brain Freeze

Please help me out. I know I'm just a hate-filled conservative fearmongering gun-toter, but I just can't understand how the same leftists that are calling Arizona a police state actually want the National Guard to put an end to crime in Chicago?

Also, I had no idea you could still get a floppy disk. Not for much longer, though.

For the Cube!

For Cube, an anamorphic illusion composed of over 400 tea candles:






Yeah, I'll get around to a meaty post sometime. I just don't have it in me right now. 

How Do You Know When You've Had Enough?

When you're too far gone to work a flip-flop.

Instant Fun.

Go here. Thank me later. :)

Fear of Clowns? You Have it Now.

I'm hoping this is for older, teenage-type children.

Dominic Deville stalks young victims for a week, sending chilling texts, making prank phone calls and setting traps in letterboxes.

He posts notes warning children they are being watched, telling them they will be attacked. 

But Deville is not an escaped lunatic or some demonic monster. 

He is a birthday treat, hired by mum and dad, and the ‘attack’ involves being splatted in the face with a cake. 

‘The child feels more and more that it is being pursued,’ said Deville. 

‘The clown’s one and only aim is to smash a cake into the face of his victim, when they least expect it, during the course of seven days.’

If the boy or girl manages to avoid the ‘hit’, they are given the cake as a birthday present. Well, that’s alright then. 

The frightening fun can be stopped at any time, which is handy for parents who have second thoughts and don’t fancy the cost of child therapy. 

Deville said: ‘The clown will never break into a residence or show up at work. ‘It’s all in fun and if, at any point, the kids get scared or their parents are concerned, we stop right there. 

‘But most kids absolutely love being scared senseless.’ 

Deville set up his Evil Clown service in Lucerne, Switzerland, after being inspired by some of his favourite horror films – possibly including Stephen King’s It and Killer Klowns From Outer Space.

The idea is unlikely to be popular with sufferers of coulrophobia – the irrational (irrational?) fear of clowns.

But Stephen Vaughan of Clowns International, said scary clowns could be as funny as their red-nosed counterparts. ‘I think what Dominic is doing is a great idea,’ he added.

‘Bringing a little bit of life and laughter into kids’ lives is what we are all about.’ 

The part of me that likes to wait for my daughter to come around the corner and jump out at her can see the humor here... But then the whole stalking thing is a bit creepy.

I dunno.

"Local Commerical"

This is GOT to be a spoof... Isn't it?

Thursday Miscell

Do a serious post on April Fool's Day?

Nah. 

Instead, I have compiled a list of funnies and links. Enjoy! 

First, some geek stuff. 

You know you want a vintage DC poster series for your bedroom. Admit it. 

You've got initiative. Roll to hit... Who cares if you're in the shower? 

And for later, when you want to stay dry: 

Coolest. Umbrella. Ever. 

Tired of dying those same tired eggs every Easter? Want something with some flair? 

How about Peepshi? All you need is a package or so of Peeps, Fruit by the Foot, and some Rice Krispies bars. 

Oh, and a really sharp knife. Instructions here. 

Did Jobs sucker you into buying one of those gigantic iTouches known as an iPad? Does the damn thing take up half of your desk just sitting there? Want to camo the thing while it charges? 

Here's an option: The iCade! 

So, if you see someone drowning, are you supposed to call 911, or just LOL? 

What could possibly make baby formula better? 

Adding bacon, of course! 

Speaking of feeding, how many hungry weasels could your body feed?  I came in at 40. 

For all of you parents out there, we have the 10 cruelest jokes played on children by their parents. This ought to be good for an idea or two...

And finally, what post full of nonsense would be complete without 160 Arnie movie quotes? Enjoy! 

Everybody was Kung Fu Fighting:

'Cause when you know Kung-Fu, you can kick ass with anything:

I Can Smell it in the Air...

Spring is almost here. It's the day after St. Paddy's and it's a balmy 65 degrees and sunny outside after months of unseasonal coldness.

I feel good, so I have a couple of cool pics to share:

What could be cooler than Batman fighting Darth Vader? Batman fighting Darth Vader with light sabers:

And what could be cooler than that?

Batman fighting a shark with a light saber:

Ah, spring:

And a couple of cool pics for meine freundin Cube:

One Big Snake:

When you think 'pet', is this really what comes to mind?



At least it was already dead...

SACO, Maine (AP) ― A poisonous 5-foot-long viper from Africa was found stretched dead across a rock in a wooded area behind a movie theater, and the Maine Warden Service said Tuesday it was searching for the person who released the reptile.

A woman walking with her dog discovered the Gaboon viper Monday on a trail behind the Cinemagic and IMAX theater complex on busy U.S. 1, Sgt. Tim Spahr. The snake was released Sunday and succumbed to low temperatures, which dipped to freezing overnight, he said.

It's illegal to possess exotic snakes in Maine. Wardens will consult the district attorney to determine what charges might be appropriate, Spahr said.

"In my 13 years as a game warden, this is the weirdest that I've actually dealt with," Spahr said Tuesday. "This is an incredibly dangerous species, a life-threatening species. And people walk up and down these trails."

Gaboon vipers favor the warmer climates of central, west and east Africa. They're known for their heft — they can weigh as much as 18 pounds — and their long fangs.


Who thinks it's a good idea to first procure and keep a highly poisonous viper as a pet? And then to release it into a public area? Had it been warmer, someone could have been bitten!

And, if the asshat in question released it because it was becoming too difficult to handle, he's responsible for the snake's death. Pets, and other animals should not be treated as disposable things.

Nipple Nazi WTF Moment:

I would BEAT THIS PERSON'S ASS to DEATH:

A Kentucky woman was charged with assault after she allegedly squirted breast milk into the face of a deputy, sparking online debate Sunday in the local media.

Toni Tramel, 31, was arrested Thursday for public intoxication in Owensboro, WYMT-TV reported, but it is what she did next which has attracted headlines.

As Tramel changed into an inmate uniform, she squirted a stream of breast milk into the face of the female deputy watching over her.

A press release from the Daviess County, Kentucky, Detention Center, said that after the deputy decontaminated herself from the "bio-hazard", Tramel was charged with third degree assault.

While the public drunkenness was merely a misdemeanor offense, the assault is a felony charge and a US$10,000 bond was set.

Reports of the case have sparked debates about whether using breast milk as a weapon should constitute a felony assault case, with many readers likening it to an accused person spitting on an officer.

Also sparking feedback has been the use of the term "bio-hazard" to describe breast milk. 

Utterly disgusting, on par with the Gitmo 'cocktail', IMO...

And there should be NO debate; If it's a bodily fluid, and it comes in contact with you and it ISN'T YOURS, it's a feckin' bio-hazard. 

Like I said, I would beat the feck out of this 'person.' ARGH! 

I'll bet that baby has a fan-frickin'-tastic future...