Dear amigo,
Yo soy Juan Boehner. Y yo want to say to all Hispanic voteros…yo quiero Taco Bell! Especialmente el Grilled Stuffed Burrito. Y I want to tell ustedes los Republicanos love Hispanic voteros tambien! Los Republicanos son your amigos. Muy amigos!
From this dia and forward, los Republicans (your amigos) are going to be mucho appreciato to our amigos, los latinos voteros. Las Democratas (realmente no son your amigos) won 70% of your votos last Martes. This is increible! Yo, Juan Boehner, soy your real amigo! I have even turned my piel orange in tanning booths to look mas como latinos. Did Geraldo Reid (who is no tu amigo) tan his piel? No, senor! Geraldo Reid es un evil gringo con piel blanco! Muy mal! Gringos are muy, muy malo! Y gringos no are your amigos!
Los Nuevo Republicanos want to win tus votos. Los Republicanos ya know that our amigos, los latinos, want mucho gratis things! Y los Nuevo Republicanos are going to dar ustedes mucho cosas gratis! Las things that los Nuevo Republicanos are going to do for our amigos los latino voteros are:
- Nosotros are going to make espanol the language oficial in America. Ingles? Who lo needs it? Ingles es malo…mucho malo! Ingles es el language de gringos! Los nuevo Republicanos are going to make Ingles el numero tres language in America behind Espanol y Ebonics. Ebonics es el language of our homies black people that we want to votar for us too.
- Los Nuevos Republicanos are going for forgetar about las laws de imigracion! America por everybody! You can bringear all of los miembros of your familia to Los Estados Unidos to get muchas things gratis! Porque? Because Republicanos are your amigos. Muy, muy amigos!
- Los Republicanos know los baggers de tea no are your amigos! Los baggers de tea want los Republicanos to keep las laws de imigracion!! This is malo! Pero, los baggers no are our amigos either! Son racistas y estan clingiendo de su religion y armas! We are going to no listenar to los baggers de te in los Nuevo Republicanos. Porque we are your amigos y we wantear to get your votos.
- Los Republicanos, your amigos, are going to givear California, Arizona, Nuevo Mexico, y Tejas to Mexico to show how much amor we have for voteros latinos, our amigos!
- Los Republicanos promisar to changear el 4 de Julio for Cinco de Mayo to show our amigos latinos that los Republicanos love voteros latinos! 4 de Julio es malo. Cinco de Mayo es bueno!
- Los Republicanos are going to demandar that Motors General start to make un carro nuevo called “El Lowrider” that only plays la musica de Julio Iglesias y Shakira! Oh, y also La Bamba.
- ObamaCare will be called LatinoCare. Los Republicanos (sus amigos!) are going to givear medicalo care-o gratis to all voteros latinos if they votear for los Republicanos Nuevos!
Amigos, realmente los Republicanos are your amigos! We will give you lots of dinero y servicios to votar for los Republicanos! We are your amigos!
Por favor! Los Republicanos need your votos! Los Republicanos love Latinos y we are going to givear mucho dinero to ustedes if you votear for us! Los Republicanos quieren Taco Bell! Los Republicanos no have amor for blanco gringos! Blanco gringos are muy malo!!! I give you this promesa personal….yo, Juan Boehner, am going to tannear mi skin until yo soy un Latino to show ustedes que I am your amigo y you can votear for mi!
Con Amor y tu amigo,
Juan Boehner
Hablador de la Casa
Hablador de la Casa
Please see AWD's site for the original!
3 comments:
Metelo pendejo!
I have one thing to say. Replace that cry baby with Paul Ryan.
We Republicans can win over more people at the polls if we just become democrats. Don't you just love it when the democrats give us such helpful advice?
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