That’s right, control your children the UN way. For example: If your child will not stop stealing from the local general store, you should:
a. reprimand him
b. if he does it again, reprimand him
c. if he does it again, discuss A and B
d. if he does it again, tell him to return the item to the store by next week
e. if he does it again, threaten to spank him lightly
f. if he does it again, threaten to spank him more briskly
g. if he does it again, take away one fifth of his allowance
h. if he does it again, reprimand him
i. if he does it again, explain the word “reprimand”
j. if he does it again, look very sad
k. if he does it again, get him a massage
l. if he does it again, discuss A, B, C, D, G, H, and J, but not E
m. if he does it again, discuss E
n. if he does it again, call Hans Blix
o. if he does it again, blame George W. Bush
p. if he does it again, scowl… angrily
q. if he does it again, ask him to steal from another store
r. if he does it again, ask him to steal items you like
s. if he does it again, reprimand him with a nasty undertone
t. if he does it again, award him the Nobel Peace Prize
u. if he does it again, at least he’s not a drug dealer
v. if he does it again, discuss how to do drugs
w. if he does it again, discuss how to be a drug dealer
x. if he does it again, discuss how to be a male prostitute
y. if he does it again, discuss how to mind your p’s and q’s
z. if he does it again, discuss how to mind your r’s and L’s
aa. if he does it again, send him to AA
bb. if he does it again, try… I don’t know… reprimanding?
cc. if he does it again, he needs breast implants
dd. if he does it again, much better
ee. if he does it again, he’s got a great future with the U.N.
ff. if he does it again, repeat
It’s the U.N. School of parenting!
Remember, just like in baseball it’s 3000 strikes and you’re out. (Well, not out really, more like a probationary period among friends.) But after that, if you do it again you’re getting dangerously close to the last straw…
buddy!
Hat tip to the GBP.
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